


I Wish You Were Here

by Eylle9



Series: Febuwhump 2021 [17]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Canonical Character Death, F/M, FebuWhump2021, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Sleep Deprivation, Temporary Character Death, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29555694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eylle9/pseuds/Eylle9
Summary: Febuwhump Day #19 Prompt: Sleep deprivationIt has been a year since Peter got dusted,Two yearsThree yearsFour yearsFive yearsAnd Tony misses him like the first day.
Relationships: Happy Hogan & Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Tony Stark, Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe) & Tony Stark, Nebula & Tony Stark, Nick Fury & Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Febuwhump 2021 [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2135274
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	I Wish You Were Here

**Author's Note:**

> Five times Tony mourns Peter and the others he has lost and one time they mourn him

"It has been a year," the news reporter says. Tony wakes up to this sound. He doesn't need to hear since what event, he knows it very well. A year since they lost, a year without the kid his mind translates. He feels like he is on Titan again, he feels Peter's weight first, then sees the specks of dust in his hands.

Pepper comes next to him, she turns off the TV, and she looks at his eyes and sees the sleepy look. 

"Did you sleep?" She asks. Tony remembers the night. 

"Yes." He says, the answer is yes, if an hour of sleep can be counted as sleeping. 

Pepper changes the question then, she knows Tony, this is neither the first nor the last time that this happens. 

"How much?" She asks instead. Tony doesn't answer, but it's an answer enough for Pepper. 

Pepper sits down next to him, so Tony can put his head on her. He does and closes his eyes but his mind doesn't let him sleep. 

_One year_ , the annoying voice in his head reminds him. He misses the kid so much. 

____________________________________ 

It has been two years, there is no news reporter to tell him this time, however, it’s not necessary, as his mind doesn't let him forget it. 

He is sitting next to Morgan's bed this year, his daughter overcome by tears in the middle of the night. It was not a problem, he wouldn't be able to sleep the whole night anyway. 

He looks at her daughter who fell asleep in the end. She is sleeping innocently, he thinks, no he knows, that Peter would love her. Then he wishes May was there with him, she would know how to make babies sleep better than Pepper and Tony, she would help them with the struggles they are having. May, by example, was the one who taught him how to parent, to begin with, by co-parenting Peter. He misses his pseudo-sister. 

For a second Tony lets himself dream as if they were here. It's Morgan's third birthday, May and Pepper are making the cake in the kitchen, Tony can hear their laughs. Peter is playing with Morgan, they convince Happy to join them. Then Nebula and Rhodey come into the room, they sit next to Morgan too, her smile attracts everyone. Then everything is gone, he turns back to reality. 

Tony leaves the room quietly to come across Happy. 

"Boss?" He asks and sees the lack of sleep in Tony's eyes. 

"Two years," Tony whispers and Happy doesn't need to ask any more questions. 

____________________________________ 

It has been three years, Tony says after waking up in the middle of the night after a nightmare. He leaves the room as quiet as he can be. Pepper would be worried, he thinks and goes to the kitchen. 

He thinks of Nick, he wishes he was there with him. He would say something that would relax him, a wise idea that would help him to solve the problem. But he is not here, his mind reminds him. Because he was dusted, just like Peter. 

Then he finds the photo of the kid and him, he thinks about two people who were important to him, who were taken by Thanos. He doesn't realize when the sun rises. He knows it's morning because Morgan comes to the kitchen with a big smile on her face. 

"Who is this?" She asks, pointing at Peter's face. 

"Can you keep a secret?" Tony asks his small daughter. She nods eagerly. 

"This is Spider-Man." He whispers to her ear, then. 

"Is he a hero, like you and Uncle Rhodey?" 

"He is." Tony smiles, but it's a sad smile. 

"Where is he now?" Morgan asks, curiously. 

"He is far away." Morgan gets upset. 

"Will he come back?" She asks this time. 

"I hope so," Tony answers and then starts to tell stories about Spider-Man and Agent Nick Fury. 

Morgan insists on putting the photo next to the sink in the kitchen. She also advises Tony to sleep so he can see Spider-Man in his dream. Tony doesn't say anything but the tears fall through his cheeks as soon as Morgan leaves the kitchen. 

____________________________________ 

"It has been four years," Tony tells Rhodey who sits next to him. Tony didn't try to sleep last night, he already knew the result. 

The difference is Rhodey is with him, this year. He sits down next to Tony and listens to everything he has to say. 

Tony talks about Peter, about how much he misses him. He talks about May and Nick and why he wants them to be here with them. 

Tony talks, Rhodey listens. Tony is glad to have his best friend with him. Rhodey tells him it was not his fault, Tony disagrees but he doesn’t say it. He knows Rhodey well, he would never agree with him on this. But Rhodey knows Tony as well, he knows what Tony think, he tells him anyway, because a part of Tony listens to him and Rhodey will give the all support he can to his friend, always. 

Tony tries hard not to yawn but he loses the fight. Rhodey tells him that he should sleep, but Tony doesn't listen. He thinks about the old days instead but his eyes betray him. His shutters fall without him wanting. 

Rhodey brings a blanket to cover him up. But Tony can't sleep even with his eyes closed. 

____________________________________ 

The day starts without Tony noticing, he has spent all of his time looking at the schematics of time travel. 

He realizes it’s morning when Nebula brings him a cup of coffee. 

"It has been five years," Nebula tells Tony. Tony doesn’t need to look at the calendar, he doesn’t need to ask since what, he knows what today is. But for once in these five years, Tony has hope to see the ones he lost again. It is a gift, Tony thinks, one that he never thought he would be able to have. 

He says he misses Peter for the last time, Nebula tells her how much she misses Gamora and the whole team. They sit down together. _The last time_ Tony tells himself countless times. The sun shines from afar, the beam of light brightens the room. One more sleepless night on the day of the anniversary. 

However, it doesn't affect him today. It’s the last, this day will be a normal one next year. He is so excited to bring everyone back. Nebula tells him about Gamora, Tony tells her about Peter. Then they just talk, the names of May, Quill, Drax, Mantis and Nick get mentioned. And then they travel in time, hoping everything is going to get better. 

_It’s the last._

Tony leaves Nebula alone as he sees Rhodey coming next to them, to record a message. 

____________________________________ 

Peter remembers the last hug too well as he stands at Tony's funeral. There is nothing other than the cold he feels, he remembers the eyes that got closed in front of him, the beating of his heart slowed down, little by little. Peter remembers falling on his knees and crying. His hero was gone, and Peter can’t do anything other than looking at the arc reactor of his mentor flowing through the lake. 

May is right behind him, she is trying to be there for Peter who holds his tears back. May looks at the lake just like her nephew and mourns her lost friend, her lost brother. 

Nick looks from far away to the lake, no one realizes the sadness in him, he thinks this is the only time being an agent has advantages for today because he lost his two children on the same day. He was not able to do anything, he didn’t even say goodbye to them. It hurts him deeply but he doesn't tell it to anyone, he just looks and mourns. 

Nebula is next to her family, her sister is not here and Tony is gone. She doesn't want to look at the lake, she looks at her feet but a part of her thinks she should bid her farewell so she looks at the lake for the last time. 

Rhodey and Happy are hugging each other while looking at their best friend's heart. They feel his absence. They know this time he won't come back. For once, there won’t be any miracle, for once Tony won’t open the eyes he closed. It was the end of his journey. The painful truth left marks in both of them. 

Morgan doesn't understand why their home is this crowded and why her dad is not here. Her mother hugs her tightly, she also doesn't understand why she is sad. 

Pepper's heart was broken into many pieces. She knows what Morgan is thinking, she knows she doesn't understand but she can't find a way to tell her, her dad won't come back. She wants him to because Tony always did, but this time it’s different and it hurts her so much; she looks to the lake, watches a part of her leaving, she promised him they would be okay. She decides to keep the last promise she gave to the love of her life as she watches the reminder of how their story started, flowing through their lake. 

Everyone was back, Tony's family was together like he dreamed. But they were not happy like in his dreams because Tony was not there to see it, and this truth broke all of them.

**Author's Note:**

> [Crazyinfj’s Tumblr! (aka the beta)](http://crazyinfj.tumblr.com/)
> 
> [Eylle9’s Tumblr! (aka the writer)](https://tumblr.com/blog/eylle9)


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